rejuvenation journey: the why

At age 26, newly married, I had a ruptured appendix, with an emergency surgery, special circumstances, an extended recovery, and some long-lasting consequences. Soon after, I was told I would never get pregnant. I was devastated. 

But when I was 29, I got pregnant with my first baby, Miranda. When she was 6 months old, I was pregnant with Kaity. Best surprises ever. Miracles!

When I was 37, seemingly out of nowhere, I was pregnant again. Elated. And then devastated when I had a miscarriage. A year later, we had Jack – and I had my tubes tied. A year after that, in 2016, I had another unexpected pregnancy, miscarriage, and surgery.

All of my babies were born via C-section. My miscarriages required their own surgical procedures, and I had few other abdominal surgeries sprinkled in there as well.

It was in 2016 that I fell in love with walking the beach. With postpartum depression going on, it was soothing to my soul. I was also working part time, homeschooling, had a one-year-old, and a traveling husband. It was the only fitness I could seem to find the time for. 

In 2018, I decided to try Beach Body On Demand. I began working out routinely, on my own for the first time ever. Later that year, I fell in love with running, which became a life-changing passion, leading to distance running and even a couple marathons. Along the way, I tried some weight loss drugs and some fads. And finally, I fell in love with weight training. 

I have grasped consistency and watched most of my body transform in the midst of perimenopause. I am healthy. I feel and I am stronger than ever.

I am 49 years old. Most people think I am younger. People close to me say I look leaner. But once in awhile, I get asked if I am pregnant. It happened just a few days ago, in fact, and I am hoping for the last time.

This week, after a consult that occurred 5 months ago, I am having an extended abdominoplasty, repairing muscles that never healed, removing extra skin, and yes, having some liposuction (egads! I remember watching this on 20/20 a million years ago!) because along with babies and surgeries and workouts , I have enjoyed a lot of nachos and margaritas through the years.

I never thought I would be this person. There was a time I was so traumatized by past surgeries that the idea of an “optional” one was appalling to me. But as always, alignment brings everything into focus. At just the right time, about a year ago, a good friend of mine had a similar surgery and was very candid about her experience. Until then, it never occurred to me that the shape of this part of my body that I’ve spent so much time being ashamed of is not entirely within my control. Extra skin? Who knew? I mean, I was pregnant out to China with Jack. Where did I think that all went?

So here I am, on the eve of a life-change. I have planned since I booked this thing to share my journey for a few reasons, and that’s where I will focus right now:

What you see is often not the whole story. I have attempted to hide my “apron” in compression, Spanx, baggy things, certain cuts. Photos always show me my efforts are in vain. But what I also know is that the people who love me don’t care at all about this. This step is me making peace with me, because—

I want to look how I feel. It took me until my mid-forties to embrace fitness, to fall in love with exercise, to call myself an athlete. I am very happy with myself, except for the part I cannot change. So I am going to get it changed.

But I have no regrets about what my body has done. Having my children – including my two miscarriages – is the most important “thing” I have ever done. Having C-sections was not my choice, and my first one was absolutely necessary. There is a certain toll pregnancies and surgeries take. Even if I didn’t have this choice right now, I would still not change a thing. My body did more than I ever thought it would, bringing 3 amazing humans into this world. I have the family I always wanted, and I would not change that for a “picture perfect” body.

At age 49, I have basically seen 100% of my dreams come true. I am so thankful for my blessings. I am grateful that I heard God say “LIVE,” and I listened. This is another step. 

I am a little nervous about the unexpected and more than a little anxious about forced downtime, but I am confident in my decision, surrounded by a husband and family who’s got me, and commited to sharing this journey so others know they are not alone.

I am determined to share my journey with transparency, so I’ll meet you back here. God said LIVE!